Thursday, 23 February 2012

From Slummy mummy to Yummy mummy

Well that's the plan.....

I have never been a fashion conscious person, its always been if its comfortable and I can blend in then I'll wear it. I've never really been bothered about make-up either I tend only to wear it if i'm going somewhere special like on a date with the husband.

I was trundling along nicely until recently, maybe it was turning 30 or the parents and toddlers group that I go to with S, where it is just a sea of well dressed and preened yummy mummies (I always felt slummy going there) or maybe I just wanted to feel better about myself and the way I looked.

I am the lightest I have been in around 10 years. after having S the weight just seem to fall off (I'm lucky I know) I'm still not completely happy about myself yet. I'd love to lose another stone but I'm working on it. (Making bread and cup cakes probably doesn't help :-)

I am however starting to feel more confident, I have bought clothes recently that I would never have bought in the past and I have kitted myself out with face creams and make-up. Todays purchase were these gorgeous boots. I live in flats so anyone want to take bets no when I'm going to fall over and break something :-)

I have been making an effort lately even if i'm just going to the local shop (My husband thinks I have a secret lover somewhere) If anything It makes be feel better.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Desperately seeking mummy friends

I am a member of the netmums website on there is a section called Meet a mum where you can meet mums in your area.

People post I suppose what you would call a personal ad hoping that someone likes the sound of them enough to send them a reply. I have indeed posted one of these ads myself mine was not that successful (It must have been the way I worded it lol)

I have answered a few ads and have met up with a couple, some don't work out (Like the one who was 10 years younger than me, we didn't have anything in common) and one became a very good friend. Next week I'll be meeting two more mummies so we'll see how it goes.

My sister thinks it very strange that I go and met anyone from the internet, personally I think she reads way too many crime books as she thinks they are either going to kidnap me or S or murder us both. My husband is not a huge fan of me meeting up with so called  "randomers"  either.

I think it is nice that such a service exists I know as a SAHM it does get lonley sometimes and you do crave a bit of adult conversation.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Unconditional Parenting

I came across this Posted on a mums forum yesterday Its a book by a  guy called Alfie Kohn who thinks that traditional discipline does not work.

He's said that the one basic need all children have, is to be loved unconditionally and to know they will be accepted even if they mess up and that, conventional approches to parenting such as punishment, rewards and other forms for control teach our children that they are loved only when they please or impress us.

"UP" Philosophy takes discipline and goes back to the root of it "to teach" Do you say please and thank you, do you try not to shout, do you listen when your child asks questions?  The book also talks about teaching by explanation, reasoning, answering questions and pointing them towards information sources,  helping them make the connection between their actions and the natural consequences of those actions.

Not using Rewards and Punishments as a motivational tool as you want them to learn that we dont hit people for example because it hurts people, not that we dont hit because we will get into trouble. Rewarding good behaviour with getting a sticker it only becomes about getting a sticker and not about the behavior being a good thing to do.

Kohn's principles of Unconditional Parenting:

Consider your Requests - Maybe it is in what/how you have requested that the child is not responding favorably Maybe you need to re-think what you are doing.

Put the Relationship First - Being right isn't necessarily what matters; it matters very little if your children stiffen when you walk into the room; what matters is the connection, the alliance, mutual respect. From a practical perspective, the relationship counts, where the child feels safe enough to explain why she did something wrong; when you put your foot down, is it worth any potential injury to the relationship?

The Love has to be Unconditional - Love withdrawl is conditional love; when it does work, the price you are paying is too high - it says, "You have to earn my love." You go away from me or I go away from you - banishment. Kids need love that never stops coming; affection that does not have to be earned. "No matter what you do, I will never stop loving you." Stop that which gives the opposite message - positive reinforcement when they are good. Items are a display of love or a tool to control - you cannot have it both ways. When we praise them for making our lives easy, they look for that. More praise, the more insecure they become, the more dependent they become on our approval. They have to know they are loved even when they screw up or fall short. They need to know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.

Imagine how kids see Things - Look at the world from their point of view! The more you do that, the better a parent you tend to be. 

Talk less, Ask more - Listen, respond, elicit, imagine her perspective - Good parenting includes listening.

Assume the Best ~ A tribute to Children: the best possible motive consistent with the facts. Why assume the child was trying to make you unhappy? Children of a certain age cannot understand promises, sitting still for a long family dinner. Don't assume the worst. We do not always know why kids do things. Kids live down to our negative expectations. Assume the best.

Try to say Yes, when you can - Do not say No constantly. Sometimes you have to say No. Kids don't get better at coping with unhappiness when they were made unhappy deliberately when they were young. If you say Yes twice as often as you do now, they will still get plenty of opportunities with frustration. Pick your battles. This is not to say Yes out of laziness. Provide guidance, support. Mindful parenting. Say Yes as often as you can.

Don't be Rigid - Wave the rules. Be flexible. Respond differently to different children and situations, understanding the context. Predictability is good, but don't make a fetish of it. United front is dishonest - more useful for kids to see we disagree and can talk it out.

Let kids decide whenever possible - Support their autonomy, bring them in on the decision making. Children will feel better about themselves. The way kids make good decisions is by making decisions. Let them decide unless there is a compelling reason not to.

Its a very thought provoking book and some things he says do make sense. I think I will take some of the things on board and try his suggestions first but if it doesn't work I'll be going back to the naughty step.  

Saturday, 18 February 2012

The day from hell.. Well maybe not that bad

Yesterday was not a good day. It all started at 11.30pm on the Thursday night when S woke up not feeling great so cue a night of not much sleep.

Sleep deprived (there was me thinking, that was a thing of the past) I threw clothes on me and S and took her to the doctors (little did I know I'd be paying another visit to the doctors later that afternoon) I had the usual reply from the doctor she has a virus.  We got antibiotics and headed home to make a bed on the Sofa.

As the day went on she got worse she refused to take her medicine and if we did manage to get some in she throw it up 2 minutes later.  Another trip to the doctors as she wasn't keeping anything down.  The Doctor give her banana tasting one hoping that might make her want to take it, hmmm No!   We then tried bribery she may be 2 but she wasn't falling for it at all.  Someone give me a tip to make her think she was a big girl and let her take it herself, Well it worked.

I got absolutely no housework done at all yesterday as she wouldn't let me leave her the place still looks like a tip.   Elsewhere in the house My husband was trying to get ready for his business trip. All in all it was a very stressful day!

Today though S seems a lot better she's currently doing laps of the room on her scooter. Lets hope today is a better one.

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

The pain of Potty training......

I have been dreading this for months.

Last week S has started asking to use the potty. So off we went potty shopping. She became obsessed with one in the shape of a car so that was it potty chosen.

Theres a picture of said Potty

When we got home I just let her run around in her t-shirt with no nappy on expecting lots of accidents.

To my amazement there were none all day every-time she needed to go she went to the bathroom to use her potty, she didn't really want/need me with her. When she'd finished she call me up to have a look. If she did something she got a sticker for her reward chart.  I had to abandon the stickers as my child pees a lot!  there wasn't room on the chart for 20 stickers a day :-)

We are now on Day 7 we have had a total of 3 accidents I am so proud of her. We went out yesterday for most of the day that was the first time we had ventured out for so long. Everything went well I would ask her every 15 minutes if she needed to go.

I do think we have a long time to go yet, shes still not dry at night and refuses to poo in the potty at all.

It has been a bit stressful but nowhere near as stressful as I thought it would. Thankfully.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Social Media

I have accounts at Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest (my current Addiction), Many forums and of course my blog here at blogger.  I have an Iphone which my husband would say is always stuck to my hand, It is far to easy to become addicted to checking in with Facebook, Twitter etc.

If I chose to I could spend all day spending time messing around in my online life. Is Social Media a hobby that can be put aside or more?

I often wonder how we kept in touch with our Real-life friends before Facebook. We now read their status updates and click like. Is Facebook a poor substitute for Friendship?

I often find it strange that people like to tweet about things so personal as Relationship break-ups, Live births and even deaths. Then theres the ones who post that they've just been sick or my personal favourite only 10 more sleeps to my holiday etc. Are we all attention seekers? Do we really need to tell the world everything?

My family like to say that my life is on Facebook, I can assure you its not, yes I post photos and status updates but I would never post anything really personal.

I have made some real-life and virtual friends through Facebook and Net-mums, but sometimes I feel like I am wasting any spare "me time" facebooking and chatting to friends. I feel the need to restrain myself a bit and take a step back If even a little from the Social media bubble.

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

French children don't throw food!

An American married an English man and lived with him is Paris, where she had a baby. In England or America she would have found sympathy from other sleep deprived new mums. But motherhood in Paris was different.

Babies slept through the night from 2 months old they eat a varied and sophisticated diet and didn't throw their food around. The mums were not knackered and covered in sick. Thy looked sexy and had their own grown up lives.

Do the French make parenting look like a breeze?

As a mother of a 2 year old I am intrigued.

In a study done by Princeton discovered that mothers in America found parenting twice as unpleasant as mothers in France.

When a French baby cries at night the parents go in wait and observe for a few minutes. left alone it might self-sooth and go back to sleep. If you rush in your training it to wake-up properly.

French Babies wait. long stretches from one feed to the next and when they are older they wait until 4pm for treats. Toddlers will wait quietly for food in a restaurant. This waiting, according to the French is a early lesson in self-reliance and that your baby is capable of learning and cope with frustration.

There are no children's menus in restaurants, French children are trained to eat everything.

All in all French mothers are more detached they sit at the edge of the playground chatting to friends, while leaving their toddlers to get on with in.

I do exactly that when I'm out with S at a park or soft play or at a mums and tots group, I just let her get on with it rather than follow her about.

Monday, 6 February 2012

My Self Portrait

I really do not like having my photo taken so, Its a really big deal for me to put this up here. Its not the best photo as it was taken on my phone. It's a recent one of me and S. I am linking up with  The Paper Mama's self photo challenge

Obsessing over…
Pinterest, I could spend all day there, Baking (cupcakes and bread mostly), The fabulous baker brothers and my new obsession with twitter. 
Working on…
My Blog, Trying to lose the last 6lbs that I cant seen to get rid off, Being a bit more of a yummy mummy than slummy mummy, keeping up with all my housework, plus finding a new home for my sewing machine, theres no where for me to go and be creative (maybe a bigger house is in order)!
Thinking about…
A holiday, Potty training... not looking forward to that one, finding another college course to do as my recent one got canceled.
My Sisters wedding in August (thankfully I'm no longer a bridesmaid... She wanted to dress us all in bright Pink). 
Listening to…
Lana Del Ray I love her voice, snow patrol, 
Well, right now I’m having a coffee 
There were more hours in the day

Saturday, 4 February 2012

1000 miles mummy

This amazing lady is Heather Cook, she will along with her 22 month old be walking 1000 miles for baby charity Tommy's. Tommy's - a brilliant charity working to protect unborn babies and educate expectant parents in the hope of cutting the rate of stillbirth and prematurity in the UK. Heather and Lola will be walking 3 miles every day, she's already clocked up over 100 miles so far. If anyone would like to donate to such a worthy charity can visit the just giving page

Friday, 3 February 2012

Sickness oh sickness

S goes to nursery on a Friday 9 to 2. They always have signs on the door Informing us of any sickness doing the rounds.

Today it is chicken pox and Scarlett fever (my husband thinks it sounds somewhat medieval)

I know that I can't keep S away from sickness but, it does make me feel guilty as its our choice to send her to nursery at all. Like I say she only goes one day a week so maybe that's lowers her chances of catching too much? I am being naive to think that? Maybe.

I really don't like her getting sick. I don't think any parent does. I think my fear stems from her having a seizure last year caused by a high temp, it was probably the most scariest thing to happen. This makes me completely stress our anytime S has a temp. I am one of those paranoid parents because of it. Calpol at the ready at the first sign of a temp.

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Should children be free to roam and explore as they wish?

I am sitting catching up on the world. I've lost a couple of days helping a friend out, buts that's another post.

I came across an article in the I newspaper. It got me thinking are we too overprotective of our kids these days? Do we "cotton-wool" wrap them as the government suggests we do.

A report published by a children's charity say, that 1 in 5 children never play outside. A third have never climbed a tree or built a den and 1 in 10 children can't ride a bike.

I think I am more for letting S do things that my husband wouldn't like when we go to soft play he would tend to follow her around and would definitely not allow her down a slide on her own like i would. I think even though she's only two and a half she should be given a little bit of freedom from all overprotectiveness if she falls she falls it's all part of growing up.